just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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