I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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