you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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