you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's never too late to be topless.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
