We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
