You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
