one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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