Jerry, you need to find god
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
