My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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