I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
