seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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