whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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