Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
