i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
