Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
