This is not my ceiling
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
