if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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