my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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