I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
