No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
