dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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