If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This baby is an asshole
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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