Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
