You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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