Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
