arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
