Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
