I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Girls should come with a carfax report
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
