first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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