I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
