Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
