Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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