I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
