you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
