ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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