i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
