i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
