walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
