I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
