I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
