What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
