White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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