I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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