Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
