i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
