sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
