I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I faked an abortion last night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
