I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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