my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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