you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
