you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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