Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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